EL LOBO FEROZ: ¡Joder, qué tropa!
¿Quieren saber cómo son los políticos? Yo voy a contárselo.
Hace un montón de tiempo, a mediados de los ochenta, entrevisté a Terenci Moix para el colorines del verdadero Diario 16: el que por aquellos años dirigía Pedro Jota. Vino el escritor a mi casa y a portagayola, antes de que yo formulara la primera pregunta, me espetó:
―Estoy alucinado. ¿Sabes lo que acaban de decirme? No te lo vas a creer: que las tetas de Sabrina son de derechas.
Aclaro, para quienes tengan menos de treinta años, que la actriz italiana portadora de ese nombre gozó de efímera, aunque exuberante popularidad en nuestro país, y también en el suyo, no tanto por sus dotes interpretativas, que eran de corto aliento, sino por el descomunal trapío y lustrosa esfericidad de sus glándulas mamarias. Nada que ver, por tanto, con la otra Sabrina por antonomasia del séptimo arte: Audrey Hepburn. Nosotros, que la quisimos tanto. Menos es más, y la teta, ya se sabe, que en la mano quepa, y su pezón en la boca. La italiana era una venus vacuna y esteatopígica. Lo suyo eran ubres rebosantes de leche sin descremar.
Siguió Terenci:
―Y yo, Fernando, pensé al oírlo que, de seguir las cosas así y la estupidez reinando, pronto nos dirán que somos de derechas o de izquierdas según donde carguemos lo que te imaginas.
―Terenci ―le interrumpí―. Los penes no son de derechas ni de izquierdas. Son de centro.
Se echó a reír el rey del Nilo, de las falúas de Luxor y de los cuerpos nubios de Asuán, y pasamos a otra cosa.
La entrevista apareció tres o cuatro días después. Era domingo. En ella contaba lo que aquí acabo de contar. El lunes por la mañana sonó el teléfono. Lo descolgué y…
―¿Hablo con Sánchez Dragó?
―Sí.
―Le paso al secretario general del CDS. No se retire, por favor.
No lo hice. Aclaro también, para quienes nunca han oído hablar de Sabrina, que el CDS era el partido fundado por Adolfo Suárez tras la desbandada de UCD y que sus siglas significaban Centro Democrático y Social.
―Buenos días, Fernando. Quiero agradecerte el detalle que has tenido con nosotros.
―¿Yo?
―Tú, sí. Ayer escribiste en Diario 16 que los penes son de centro. Y como nosotros también lo somos…
Juro que sucedió así: tal cual. No añado ni quito nada. Lo dijo, y se quedó tan fresco.
¿Excepción? ¡Qué va! He conocido a muchos políticos en mi vida, y el de mi cuento no desmerece, sino que corrobora. Son como niños, pero niños bobos, pues en eso acaban los adultos que no crecen. Así nos va.
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